The Top 5 Reasons Lex Luthor is the Biggest Dick in the Universe
Recently Action Comics hit it’s milestone 900th issue, and with this issue a bit of controversy. Superman renounces his United States citizenship ( that’s like me saying I renounce my French citizenship (I am not French)). The back-up tale wasn’t the most important story in the comic for me. I was looking forward to the end of the year long story arch Black Ring Saga, which focuses on Lex Luthor finally trying to find the power to end his feud with his greatest enemy once and for all. I’ll try not to ruin it for you readers out there who have not read the tale (Its a great journey read it), but needless to say it reminded me that Lex Luthor is the biggest dick in the universe. Since the very nature of milestones tend to send the mind reeling back to the past I decided I will share with you some other times Lex showed off his capacity for being a giant dick.
5.) The Rain of the Supermen (52)
The story of 52 takes place in a year that Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman (for various reasons) weren’t around. That being said someone like Lex Luthor had free reign to do what he wanted. One of the big things to understand about Lex is that time and time again he says that if it wasn’t for Superman he would be earths greatest hero. Time and time again he proves to the world that hes a big dick. In this instance he offers anyone who wants it superpowers; for money if people could afford it, and for free for people who couldn’t. These powers come in all forms and it seems like Lex was finally doing something pretty damn cool for humanity. Until New Years 2007 when, with a press of a button, canceled everyone’s superpowers in mid-use. People who could fly fell to their death. People lifting heavy objects were crushed by said object. People who could run super fast tripped and ate asphalt at mind blowing speeds. Why did he do this? Because he felt like it. What a Dick.
4) Cured his invalid sister and then disabled her again. (Adventure Comics 6 2010)
Lex Luthor’s sister is not known well enough yet, but hopefully this tale of dickishness spreads the word. Long long ago Lex Luthor and his sister Lena were both abused by there father Linoel. Lex got fed up and murdered Linoel and inherited his life insurance. Eventually Lex left Smallvile and moved to Metropolis, but his sister Lena was not so lucky; She couldn’t shake the abuse. Sadly things became worse for Lena as her mind deteriorated and she lost the use of her legs. Skip forward a few years, Superboy befriends Lori Luthor (Lena’s daughter and niece to Lex) trying to understand what makes Lex so evil (Superboy is a clone of Lex and Superman). Lex Luthor enters the scene and Superboy challenges him to actually do something good for once and heal Lena. Lex sends Superboy on a world wide scavenger hunt for ingredients for a cure. Upon returning Lex quickly makes a serum that cures Lena of everything. Just when she starts to enjoy walking again, Lex injects her with another serum that makes her back the way she was just to prove that he can. Lex Luthor = a dick.
3) Gives up daughter to Braniac 13 (Action Comics 763)
A defeated Braniac 13 (Braniac from the future) recreates Metropolis to be a beach head for an invaison of Earth. Braniac 13′s reasoning behind this was not known not know at the time, but what he did was upgrade modern technology and brought it into the future. Imagine one day our New York city became the New York from the show Futurama and you kind of get the picture. Superman and Lex teamed up and stopped Brainiac. Before they can close the book on future Braniac, he pulls Lex into a time-slip and offers him the power to keep the technology of tomorrow today. The catch is he has to give up his daughter and let Braniac escape and live another day. For a dick like Lex Luthor this is a no brainer. Lex sells out his own daughter. So now Lex is an accomplice to a time traveling pedophile, nice going dick.
2) Kills a woman and gloats about it over Superman’s Coffin (Superman 77 vol.2)
Don’t let the hair and the beard fool you; you’re staring at a grade-A dick right here. Yup that’s Lex, who at the time was posing as his long lost son (long story trust me). Anyway, Lex was kind of pissed off at first that he wasn’t the one to bring about the death of Superman. So to cheer himself up he goes and murders his Karate instructor, just because now he knows that with Superman gone he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants. The Death of Superman story was the first story arch I ever collected and this scene taught me don’t ever fuck with Lex Luthor, because that dick is not one to fuck with.
1) 900 miles to Metropolis ( Superman 9 vol.2)
This tale is the embodiment of Lex Luthor: biggest dick in the universe. The story (click here): Lex goes to a small town dinner and offers the waitress a million dollars to spend one month with him in Metropolis. The waitress gets outraged and refuses, this is where it gets interesting. Lex tells the waitress her whole pathetic life story and paints her this depressing picture of her current life up to this point. He then tells her to make a decision and says he’s going to be in his limo for ten minutes. She debates the idea with her fellow waitresses quickly thinking of the pros and cons. The waitress then calls her loser husband to finally make her decision. Before she can decide Lex leaves, not even giving her the full ten minutes. This is what this man does for shits and giggles, what an asshole. No this man is no mere asshole he’s : LEX LUTHOR BIGGEST DICK IN THE UNIVERSE.
whew… I need a drink.